Parenting is one of the most difficult jobs that any person will ever have to tackle in their lifetime. There is no instruction manual or guidebook. One day you are expecting a baby, and the next, you are sent home with a newborn infant that you are expected to raise. You have to keep this little human alive, help them thrive and grow, teach them about life, raise them to be kind, show them new things, and the list goes on.
Every decision I make and everything that I do is FOR them and is done with them in mind. They are always in the front of my brain. I always knew I’d love my children, but could never fully grasp just how MUCH I’d love them.
When they are babies to toddlers, life is all about those little moments. We anticipate baby’s first smile, first laugh, crawling, first steps, first words, and even trying baby food for the first time. These moments are fleeting and we do our best to capture all of these little milestones because we know it passes fast. However, regardless of how aware we are that it passes quickly; we never can truly grasp how quickly it passes until it has passed. When the time has passed we look back on the memories, with tears in our eyes, trying to comprehend how time has escaped us.
In the midst of this, we wonder if we did it right. The guilt that parents feel is a struggle that never seems to end. You wonder if you did enough. You wonder if you disciplined them to the best of your ability. You wonder if you were fair. You wonder if you were too mean, or too nice. You question whether you gave them the love that they needed. You wonder if you yelled too much, or if you were too hard on them. You question if they remember that you were there. What version of you will they carry with them into adulthood? Will they remember the parent that was there for every sporting event and every award ceremony, the parent that made sure to help with school projects and ran around in the yard with them, the parent that sat with them and talked through those school-aged-kid problems? Or will they remember the side of you that lost their temper and yelled a little too much; the parent that didn’t have time to send those pinterest worthy snacks to school for their class?
I am often confident in myself, but I find myself questioning the choices I make as a parent. I have such an inner struggle about whether or not they appreciate how hard I work to make them proud. My children make me proud in so many ways, but I do wonder if I am making them just as proud. Do they see my efforts and appreciate them? Do they know that I constantly pour my heart and soul into them?
I do my best daily to set a good example for them and to be the best version of myself for them. They are my reason. Even on my worst days, I push through for them. They need me and I need them.
CoveringtheBases 